It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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