dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
