so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
