I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
