Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Couch. On fire.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
