remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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