I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
