gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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