somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
