so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
