Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She's not a foreskin expert like you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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