Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
