He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
