i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
