I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
BRING THE BAGELS
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
