I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
