If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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