What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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