put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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