You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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