I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize