drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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