cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
