I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
