can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
