wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
