Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
