6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
