I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
