Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize