you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
