so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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