Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
