Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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