How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
