I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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