yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
