i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
