Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
