She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
