don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
