how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
