tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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