i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
