So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
