Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
