No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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