If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
