No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
