I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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