I will die if light touches me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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