He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
