I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
