K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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