I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
