it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
