i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
