just survived the first fart of the relationship.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
