Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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