Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
