Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The air was thick with penises
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
