so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
