and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
