handjob tips. give me some.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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