it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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