I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
