you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
