If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
