i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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