Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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