Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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