His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
