That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
