Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was like eating out sand paper
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
