i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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