I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
