soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
