I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
