somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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