I'm so fucking centered right now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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